What Makes Us Happy?

Anyone can fake a laugh,
Force a smile,
Put on a mask to show we're ok for a while,
But what makes us happy?

Anyone can reassure a loved one,
Go out and convince others you're having fun,
But what makes us happy?

Is it comfort, recreation, love, or time?
A significant other, a pet, our even a rhyme?
What makes us happy?

To find it, I search within,
Take me adventures, see new sites,
Go on dates, see my family,
And hope happiness is what I find.

How do you know when you have it?
Is there a magical feeling that shows?
Maybe a sign appears before me,
And gets bigger when happiness grows?

All I know is I want to be happy,
I want to find the feeling and grab it.
Once I know what it's supposed to be like,
I'll share with others and make a good fit.

The Cycle of a Spoonie

Today has been a typical spoonie day. Let me explain:

1. Wake up with sore muscles and have to take an extra half hour to hour to fully get up.
2. Try to save as many spoons while getting ready. Put your mask on, get it together, and head out.
3. The commute brings a migraine due to the sounds, lights, and frustration.
4. Once you get to work, you stretch to keep trying to get your sore muscles to wake up.
5. During with you do as much as you can to not trigger a migraine. You take breaks, turn away from the computer, and take walks to keep the leg muscles warm.
6. That 3:00 sugar low hits and you sneak a snack to keep from another migraine.
7. At the end of the day, you're grumpy, sore, and ready for a nap.
8. You get home and soak in the tub to relax and have dinner based on your pain level.
9. Time for bed. It's 8 pm but you don't care.

It's a catch 22: you sleep to reduce pain then get sore from too much sleep. Where's the median?

Affirmation: I am a master mind

I like today's affirmation. It's the biggest positive thought I've seen.

I am a master mind. I can come up with ideas that can touch millions of hearts. I can write words that make a person not feel so alone.

In what ways are you a matter mind?

Every step I take... Every move I make...

So I'm slowly getting things together for the big move. Part of it is going prehistoric. I sold my bed, shut off the cable, shut off the internet, and hopefully will soon will be sleeping on an air mattress living out of a suitcase. Soon I'll be at my parents house with the full amenities. I've roughed it before when I've moved a long way so this is no big deal.

Affirmation: I love to replace destructive thought with creative thought

Today's affirmation is great. It's the reason why I write. I take all the feelings I have about the dangers in my life and turn it into something beautiful. My inspiration can become someone else's inspiration.

When I think of how tough my journey has become, I think of a serene location like the beach. Then I turn the bad into good.

How do you turn something destructive into creative?

New Beginnings

Today's uplifting poem about my new adventure in four weeks.

Things keep spiralling out of control,
My life couldn't be more sad.
The bills pile up, the stress does too,
And overall my mind is so mad.

Time to try new things, see new ground,
Find myself all over,
Make new friends, see new sites,
Maybe even find a lover.

I can do anything I want,
Be whoever I want to be.
The sky's the limit, my heart is happy,
This is an exciting adventure for me.

So what's the next challenge?
The new life I can have.
Do I learn new things, try a new career,
Make people cry, or make people laugh?

The arts have always have been a passion,
The muse and inspiration of my heart.
I'll try to make a career of it,
Find what sets me apart.

I write what I feel,
I sing what I love,
I act what I can,
And I know what I'm made of.

So look for me on the media.
I'm planning to touch souls.
My voice can help those like me,
And full some painful life holes.

What do you think?

Fighting a Losing Battle

My newest poem inspired by a frustrating ER visit:

Lying in a hospital bed
Crying from the sorrow
Wishing for answers
Praying for a better tomorrow

The doctor and the nurse take turns
Telling me to breathe in and out
There's no way I could relax
When I don't know what my body is about

I get the blood taken, the pee in a cup
Start the IV, tell my sobby tale,
See no empathy, hear no help
Just empty words that feel like fail

"There's no more we can do for you," he says
The same words I've heard in the past
My spirits drown, my heart is on fire,
And I just want to leave fast.

If no one can help me, what can I do?
Do I keep searching or give in?
How can I fight a losing battle
And how to win?

For now I just keep living
Finding happiness where I can
Keep all my loved ones near
And keep living according to plan.

Getting My Groove Back

The past couple months have been testing, but I've kept going. Some ways to help bounce back after a bad streak:

1. Develop a schedule - Decide what you need to do and when it needs to be done. By giving yourself deadlines you help develop a structure to normalcy.

2. Change something - Whether it's diet, hair cut, clothing style, or location, change is good. By doing a big change, you are throwing away the old you and moving forward with a new self.

3. Reach out - I don't know where if be without my Twitter friends who go through the same as me. My family has been great too. Sometimes you need to reach out and ask for help to move on.

4. Take a trip - Have a Pain-Moon and go away for a weekend. Relax, explore new things, and enjoy the moment. It'll help reduce stress and make you feel like you're starting over.

5. Learn something new - Whether it's a new language, certification, or diet, learning something new gives you the sense of accomplishment.

6. Explore creativity - By writing, I've learned things about myself that I never knew. Try some form of creativity to express yourself them keep those feelings in your art. Move on from what you felt at that moment and share with others to help them too.

How have you moved on from a struggling period?

Affirmation: All Power Is From Within

Reflection: 
I know that I am the fount of all that my life is, it begins and ends in me.

Today's affirmation really got me thinking: if all power is from within, then where should I grab it from? I feel as though my power is starting to fade, but there's still a back-up battery to my life. If I keep treating my body as precious as I do, then it should be back to full power soon. 

I started running a couple months ago, but had to stop because my symptoms started getting worse. Now, I'm trying to get back into the groove of running (it's helped me lose some jiggly parts) and drinking water. My theory is that if I keep practicing my instrument, I'll get a beautiful sound once again. I can't let my migraines and other problems get in the way of regaining my power. 

How do you regain your power from within?

Affirmation: Life Reveals Itself Effortlessly to Me in All of Its Beauty and Splendor

Reflection:

My life is beautiful, I embrace it, love it and accept change 
gracefully. I realise NOW that I'm profoundly ALIVE and am 
filled with a deep sense of gratitude and joy in this new 
day, thank you

My Interpretation:

No matter what I feel in a moment, life will always find a way to slap me in the face. Whether it's to show me that I need to slow down, step back, or find a new path, life will always find a way to reveal itself. I may not understand it's beauty and true nature, but it's there for a reason and I must embrace it. 

When I go on walks, I tend to look around me and smile at what nature shows us. The beauty of the world becomes an inspiration. Sometimes I take pictures to remember, and other times I just smile and give thanks. I am thankful for what this world has shown me and look forward to the future. 

Just as the reflection says: my life is beautiful. Sometimes I don't see it, but I need to remind myself. 

What does life show you when you look at its beauty?

Thought of the Day: "To Be Great Is To Be Misunderstood"

I went on a website that generated quotes and this one from Ralph Waldo Emerson inspired me: "To be great is to be misunderstood." (Taken from An Essay on Self-Reliance)

When I pondered the meaning, the first thing that came to mind is modern day celebrities. We worship them and listen to their every tweet, interview phrases, and media outlet. However, do we really know them? Do we really know if they believe what they are told to say? We misunderstand some things they say out of anger, passion, and sadness and hold a grudge until they apologize.

So if celebrities are so great, then why can't we know who they really are? I applaud those who remain true to their beliefs and are genuinely great. To the others: please let others know who you truly are. Those young fans look up to you.

If I were "great," I'd hope to remain my quirky, loving self.  I'd want my followers to know I believe what comes out of my mouth and I set an example.

So who do you think is great, yet misunderstood?

Nectarines: The Delicious Substitute for Citrus Fruits

When I was first put on the Headache Diet in October 2012, one of my first frowns was toward the "no citrus" portion. Orange was my favorite flavor of...well...ANYTHING! To give it up was like giving up my favorite shirt. 

Then I found a new love: nectarines. They have a sweet taste like a peach, but still has that harsh tart sensation you get from a citrus fruit. I'd eat them for breakfast or a mid-afternoon snack to keep the blood sugar from dropping. 

The nectarine and peach are from the same species, but they are different. Nectarines have an orange center and faint fuzz, while a peach has a white center and very fuzzy skin. Nectarines have a glycemic index value of 43. This places them in the low GI category. The nectarine is acceptable in many diets such as gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan, diabetic, low carb, and many others. Great ways to eat nectarines: raw, cooked on the grill, sliced with vanilla ice cream, in cereal, and in your morning smoothie. 

When picking out a nectarine, look for a smooth skin with no blemishes. Also, be sure the fruit itself is firm to the touch, an indicator that it is ripe and ready to go. They can sit on the counter for 2-3 days or in a plastic bag in the coldest part of the fridge for 5 days. Handle them very carefully because their skin bruises easier than a peach.When possible, buy organic because they will have higher pesticide levels. 

Want to go green and use your creative side? Save the pits for craft projects. (Be sure to wash them of course). Spray paint each pit a different color and store them in a glass container with some string lights for a simple table decoration. 

Calories: 62

Calories from Fat: 4

Total Fat: 0.5g

Cholesterol: 0 mg

Sodium: 0 mg

Carbohydrates: 15g

Dietary Fiber: 2.4g

Sugars: 11.2g

Protein: 1.5g

Vitamin A: 9%

Vitamin C: 13%

Calcium: 1%

Iron: 2%

Reach For the Stars

I've been thinking of this upcoming move and new beginning to my life. There's something I've never had the time (due to working since age 16), resources, or guts for until now: performance arts as a profession.

I've always been an enthusiastic individual. When I was in high school, I participated in many plays, musicals, vocal competitions, and others because I had the time. I didn't have to work, pay bills, or worry about anything. Now that I'm an adult, I want to rediscover my artistic side. I've already started by self-publishing my first book (with many more writing projects to follow), but I want to get back into performance arts like theater, vocal performance, and acting.

So do I have what it takes? I say yes, but some others may say no. That's all part of the industry. While working to pay my bills and financial obligations, I want to be able to go to auditions, acting classes, vocal coachings, and attempt my dream as a teenager. I may have waited ten years, but I think it might be time to try. Migraines, of course, will be a meanie during the process, but I'm a fighter!

I sent in my information to a talent scout with a couple pictures (not professional at all) and I got a call back today saying I'm a very marketable type face. They wanted $700 to get me to begin. Sorry, Charlie, but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't have to pay someone to represent you and find you bookings. They get paid commission based on the work YOU do.

I filled out a performance resume (way different than a professional one) and we'll see what I can do. One of my first jobs to pursue: being an elf for a theme park. Hey it's experience in the field plus I can get my foot in to start singing on stage, acting, and meeting some people who might be interested in using me more. Watch out, world, I'm coming for you!

Unnormally Normal

After all the tests that keep coming up normal, I got an inspiration (thank you insomnia) for a new poem:

Hands tremble, heart races.
Another test result is in.
I sit patiently with sweat down my face,
hoping the answers I seek are within

Doctor tells me to breathe
it's not my worst fears,
the results are normal again
so no need for the tears.

"But doc," I say, "I'm not normal at all."
"My body is aching, my legs are weak,
my head won't stop pounding,
and I feel like a freak."

So how many more tests
can I endure that say okay,
when I'm not normal at all
and I struggle every single day.

So, doc, tell it to me straight
is this all in my head?
Am I unnormally normal,
or is it more than I dread?

At what point do I give up?
When will the agony of unknown take over?
Do I stay unnormally normal,
or keep searching to recover?



What do you think?