The Eyes Have It

Now that I have insurance again, I have begun the new doctor searches and appointments. This morning I went to the eye doctor because well....it was way overdue. They offered a service to take 3D photos of your eyes to see if there are any issues. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul...

Well mine needs a closer look. When looking at my optic nerve, both eyes showed a thinning near my optic nerve. After explaining my B12 deficiency, the doctor quickly wrote it down and asked me questions about it. Since I don't know how long I was severely deficient in the B, I have no idea how much damage was caused. So we're doing a vision field test in a couple weeks.

Damn, I thought the eye doctor was going to be an easy visit! Such is the life of a spoonie. Moral to the visit: take the time to do these extra tests. You never know what you'll find. This one only cost me $39 and was paid with my flex plan. Crossing fingers and toes for positive results or an easy solution. Anyone else have this issue?

Affirmation: I use my VICTORIES to fuel my greatest challenges

Reflection:
I build strength upon strength, even my defeats provide the seeds of great accomplishment.

Once a person has a victory, no matter how small, their confidence rises. With more confidence, a person can work on more challenging goals with more ease. Each victory is fuel for a well-oiled machine called life.

This week, my small victories include making it through each shift at work (all on my feet constantly) without screaming/crying/wanting to give up. Each time I accomplish it, I feel like I can conquer the world. Obviously I'm limited so it'll take me a while to actually conquer the world. When I had a horrible migraine during last night's shift, I was able to finish without a tear. My hands shook, my heart raced, and my mind was cloudy, but I made it. That's a victory in my book.

This week's challenge: finding a way to work with a new headache specialist without insurance. In order to qualify for disability, I need to have support of a doctor. Mine is in KC and I moved to Florida, so I need to begin the doctor hunt once again. Very frustrating, but once I achieve this small victory, it will fuel my desire to get the help I need.

What have been your victories this week?

Attack of the Brain: Revenge of the Migraine

Yesterday I had a bad situation: My pain level was at 12, insurance ended the day before, and I was in no financial situation to see a doctor. I debated going to Urgent Care, the least expensive option. The other part was I was eligible for COBRA but haven't had any information to activate it.

So what is a spoonie to do? I chose to sleep as long as I could. Once my parents got home,  if my pain level was still above 10,  I would be taken to Urgent Care. Thankfully, the pain lowered to a range of 5-7 which is manageable for me. How sad is that?

If a completely normal, healthy person borrowed my body for a day, they'd think they were dying. My body is used to constant pain so I only react to the top pain levels. As I'm typing, I'm at a 4. Stiff back of the neck and mild headache.  This is my daily battle.

My next thought was disability. I feel like I'm not worthy of it since I'm able to walk and have good days. However, I cannot work a full time job anymore. How will I support myself if I can't work like a normal person? So the long process begins. Will I be approved? I'm not sure, but I've got to try.

Any spoonies have days like me? How do you cope?