Anger Management: Goosefrabba

How do you constructively deal with the anger and resentment that arises as a result of living with migraines?

If I said I didn't have anger or resentment, I'd be a liar and my pants would surely catch on fire. When you live life with uncertain pains and agony, why wouldn't you be angry? Migraines can sneak up and ruin a perfectly planned day. So how do I keep from losing my mind?

1. Music is king - Many on Twitter see my constant posts that say "Music is king" because I firmly believe music is the way to serenity. No matter what you're feeling, there's a song for that. If you want to cry, there are plenty of songs to let it all out. If you want to be distracted, then there's some great jams to dance to and take your mind off the pain. If you need to just be alone with your thoughts, you can play music while gathering yourself. 

2. Dance baby dance - When I get really mad, I find dancing is extremely therapeutic. I play my Dance Cardio Pandora station and let all the anger out. My dog gets confused and thinks I want to play so that always turns interesting.

3. Watch a movie/TV - When I need to let all my emotions out, I tend to reach for my Nicholas Sparks movies. He's one sadistic man to create these sappy books, but the movies add the visual and make it that much sadder. "The Notebook," "A Walk to Remember," "Nights in Rodanthe," and "Les Miserables," "Armageddon" (just the last part when Liv Tyler and Bruce Willis say goodbye) all let me just flow those rivers out. I'm cleansed and ready for a new day!

4. Talk - We all have some kind of support system (friends, family, social media, therapist, doctor, etc) that is ready to listen. Please be open and honest to them. If you are having suicidal thoughts, then you need to get some help. No pain should be too much to leave behind the ones you love. 

5. Write - The great thing about writing is it can open gates to so many forms of creativity. You don't necessarily have to write about your pain, but some form of writing could be a distraction from your frustrations. You might have a best selling novel or award winning screenplay in your mind ready to pop out. Channel your anger into words and give all your expression to educate others. I wrote my emotions for one entire day and was amazed at the end of the day how many different things I felt with each type of pain. 

6. Paint - Some of the most amazing art can come from emotion. Get that brush ready for a masterpiece! 

Men in Black: Neuralizer

How do you cope with the way migraine can impact our memories?

This is such a good subject for me because I am constantly forgetting things. All day Friday I kept thinking it was Wednesday! Who does that?!?! Here's how I cope:

1. Keep a note pad with you ALWAYS - I have one in my purse, on my desk, a built in app in my phone, and at least two at work. I'm constantly writing things down. Whether it's a creative idea, something that needs to be remembered, or random thoughts, I've got it covered.

2. Apologize in advance - I find I'm apologizing in advance for being so forgetful, especially at work. Brain fog doesn't help you with your daily activities.

3. Alarms - Phone alarms are wonderful! I set an alarm when I need to get something done or be somewhere so I am not totally lost.

4. Remember, it's not your fault - This is the most important way to cope. You need to fully understand that this isn't your fault. Your memory just plays hide and seek at times due to migraine and it's okay. There's no use in getting upset about it, just breathe.

Bunny Jumping in My Head

One day, a child asked me what a migraine felt like. It's difficult to explain these pains to them so I made this poem:

The only way to tell you about the pain in my head, 

is to say there must be a bunny jumping on the bed

You see, he lives on my brain, but he doesn't sleep much 

because he has dance parties with friends and causes me to fuss

He doesn't want to leave or stay still for very long 

because everyday my head hurts, and I start to see a fog

He likes to visit my tummy to do cartwheels and flips. 

It makes me feel icky with lots of bathroom trips

He likes to play bumper cars all over my tired brain. 

His fun is never ending and neither is my pain

The doctor says he’s here to stay, but we can make him sleepy. 

With diet, exercise, and medicine I won’t be so weepy

Maybe one day we can be friends, and he’ll stop jumping all the time. 

Give me a day or two to rest before he has his fun tonight.

Faces of Migraine 2013

Please take the time to watch this video about migraine. Today is Chronic Migraine Awareness Day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW5LYDLyfvk&feature=youtube_gdata_player 

Journey to Diagnosis: An Ongoing Investigation

Any chronic pain patient knows this struggle. You constantly go to doctor's appointments, testing, blood work, labs, x-rays, and consults. What's the conclusion? For some, answers, for others like me, it's like a cold case that needs re-opening.

This morning, I woke up with my usual head throbbing, body aches, and weak gait. There was no way I was able to drive or function so I had to call in sick. Great, another vacation/sick day used for my mystery monster. I medicated, went to sleep, and woke up with the "hangover" that kept me miserable all day. Since an ER visit is so expensive ($125 copay upfront), I waited until the Urgent Care Walk-In Clinic was ready at my usual facility.

Once checked in, I was put into a room for the usual vitals and assessments from the nurse. A couple tests during the assessment had the nurse puzzled. She asked me to do the strength testing (squeeze fingers) several times and gave me the "what the heck" look. This chick did not have a poker face. So she brought in the Physician's Assistant on duty and they went over my assessment again. All my nerves checked out so we then did a blood pressure test while I was lying down, sitting, and standing. Since I was wobbly, the standing test was very difficult. Conclusion: my pulse got higher as I moved from position to position. Diagnosis: vertigo. Well duh! I could have told you that!

Next step: she ordered blood tests. While speaking she asked if auto-immune disorders ran in my family. My aunt has RA as well as chronic migraine, my mother hand migraines as a teen, and another aunt had daily headaches. This is all the maternal side of the family. The older I get, the more I developed traits from that side of the family. I did tell her that when I Googled my symptoms (yes, I know you shouldn't do that) the ones that kept coming up was lupus and MS. She didn't sound surprised because those do fit some of my symptoms. I'll definitely be discussing this with my neurologist next week for my follow-up. I'd like to take tests to rule those out.

As I wobbled to the lab, I kept thinking of what was next for this case. The tech of course had a difficult time finding my vein. I used to be a nurse's dream when it came to taking blood! While the blood was leaving my arm, my entire forearm and hand started hurting like crazy! I expressed that to the tech and she was surprised. I've never had that sensation with blood tests before. Definitely going to have a pretty bruise at the end the night.

Well the CBC came back normal, thank goodness, so no infection is the problem. The PA also ordered a CT so we can have that ready for my appointment next week and try to rule out these auto-immune disorders.

Here's what I recommend to the detectives of chronic disorders:
1. Write down everything - If you're like me, your memory is really doing down the drain, so by writing down times when you have to leave work, why you left, and all symptoms can help your doctor.
2. Work with your doctor - You are a team. If you feel your doctor isn't understanding your woes and providing the best care for you, then research a new provider. It's your health so be sure you're getting the care you deserve.
3. Do some research - I know they say don't Web MD your symptoms because the only thing it'll say is you're dying, but sometimes you'll come across a disorder that could fit your situation. At least ask to rule it out if it really seems like a culprit. It's better than to be misdiagnosed for years.
4. Seek support - Family and friends are an important part of your care team. They can be a shoulder to cry on or an ear for venting. Please be understanding that they have emotions about your health too so comfort them as well. I know sometimes I'm reluctant to tell my parents everything that's going on for fear that they'll be worried, but they are a big part of my support system and deserve to know.
5. Channel your feelings - Many of us bottle emotions and explode at inappropriate times. Find a hobby to channel your emotions in like painting, writing, music, carpentry, and others. It can help with distraction and coping.

How do you investigate your diagnosis(es)?

I didn't paint this, but it's a wonderful example of how to express pain through art.

Lincoln

Who's your favorite historical figures who lived with migraines or another headache disorder?

I Googled "historical figures with migraines" and the most inspirational woman came up: Marilyn Monroe. Why do I say she's inspirational? The woman has curves and embraces them! She proved to women in the past, present, and future that curves are beautiful. She chased her dreams, inspired women everywhere, and battled migraine. Her triggers were more than likely flashing lights, sounds, and smoke. 

The Huffington Post did an article in May 2012 about 13 Celebrities with Migraines to include:

Marcia Cross (Desperate Housewives) - migraineur since age 14

Lisa Kudrow (Romy & Michele's High School Reunion) - child migraines

Cindy McCain (Senator McCain's wife) - silent struggle with migraines

Ben Affleck (Argo) - treated in the ER in 2006

Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked) - uses Botox as treatment

Janet Jackson (music superstar) - vestibular migraine 

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (LA Lakers) - used alternative treatments like acupuncture and diet

Michele Bachmann (2012 Presidential candidate) - criticized by the public about migraines

Loretta Lynn (country legend) - migraineur since age 17

Serena Williams (tennis superstar) - menstrual migraine

Carly Simon (music superstar) - found alcohol was the biggest trigger

Jeff Tweedy (musician) - migraines connected to mood disorders

Troy Aikman (Dallas Cowboys) - believes fathers smoking as a child contributed

You are not alone! 

Risky Business

Each time you try a new treatment you take a risk. How do you initiate a discussion with your doctor so you can make an educated decision about trying it as a team?

When my doctor and I first discussed Botox, I thought what most people thought: oh great my face is going to be frozen and crazy looking. Then we did our research. Not only is the toxin completely different than the cosmetic Botox, but they way they administer it is different as well. Botox is injected in the areas that are most affected by migraines: the forehead, temples, back of the head, and side of the neck. Basically, it gives those muscles a breather while your other muscles take over. 

When talking about a new treatment, I am open and honest with my doctor. I express all fears, doubts, and hopes. You don't want to get set up with thinking it's going to be a miracle and you don't want to make doubts without even trying. If the risks sound too harsh, then take some time to think before trying. Sometimes the side effects of the medications/treatments are worse than the symptoms themselves (ex: Topamax). 

Your doctor wants to help you, which is why they suggest different treatments. No migraineur is the same so no treatment is exactly the same. Be open and honest and don't be afraid to ask questions. It's your body.