What Makes Us Happy?

Anyone can fake a laugh,
Force a smile,
Put on a mask to show we're ok for a while,
But what makes us happy?

Anyone can reassure a loved one,
Go out and convince others you're having fun,
But what makes us happy?

Is it comfort, recreation, love, or time?
A significant other, a pet, our even a rhyme?
What makes us happy?

To find it, I search within,
Take me adventures, see new sites,
Go on dates, see my family,
And hope happiness is what I find.

How do you know when you have it?
Is there a magical feeling that shows?
Maybe a sign appears before me,
And gets bigger when happiness grows?

All I know is I want to be happy,
I want to find the feeling and grab it.
Once I know what it's supposed to be like,
I'll share with others and make a good fit.

The Cycle of a Spoonie

Today has been a typical spoonie day. Let me explain:

1. Wake up with sore muscles and have to take an extra half hour to hour to fully get up.
2. Try to save as many spoons while getting ready. Put your mask on, get it together, and head out.
3. The commute brings a migraine due to the sounds, lights, and frustration.
4. Once you get to work, you stretch to keep trying to get your sore muscles to wake up.
5. During with you do as much as you can to not trigger a migraine. You take breaks, turn away from the computer, and take walks to keep the leg muscles warm.
6. That 3:00 sugar low hits and you sneak a snack to keep from another migraine.
7. At the end of the day, you're grumpy, sore, and ready for a nap.
8. You get home and soak in the tub to relax and have dinner based on your pain level.
9. Time for bed. It's 8 pm but you don't care.

It's a catch 22: you sleep to reduce pain then get sore from too much sleep. Where's the median?

Affirmation: I am a master mind

I like today's affirmation. It's the biggest positive thought I've seen.

I am a master mind. I can come up with ideas that can touch millions of hearts. I can write words that make a person not feel so alone.

In what ways are you a matter mind?

Every step I take... Every move I make...

So I'm slowly getting things together for the big move. Part of it is going prehistoric. I sold my bed, shut off the cable, shut off the internet, and hopefully will soon will be sleeping on an air mattress living out of a suitcase. Soon I'll be at my parents house with the full amenities. I've roughed it before when I've moved a long way so this is no big deal.

Affirmation: I love to replace destructive thought with creative thought

Today's affirmation is great. It's the reason why I write. I take all the feelings I have about the dangers in my life and turn it into something beautiful. My inspiration can become someone else's inspiration.

When I think of how tough my journey has become, I think of a serene location like the beach. Then I turn the bad into good.

How do you turn something destructive into creative?

New Beginnings

Today's uplifting poem about my new adventure in four weeks.

Things keep spiralling out of control,
My life couldn't be more sad.
The bills pile up, the stress does too,
And overall my mind is so mad.

Time to try new things, see new ground,
Find myself all over,
Make new friends, see new sites,
Maybe even find a lover.

I can do anything I want,
Be whoever I want to be.
The sky's the limit, my heart is happy,
This is an exciting adventure for me.

So what's the next challenge?
The new life I can have.
Do I learn new things, try a new career,
Make people cry, or make people laugh?

The arts have always have been a passion,
The muse and inspiration of my heart.
I'll try to make a career of it,
Find what sets me apart.

I write what I feel,
I sing what I love,
I act what I can,
And I know what I'm made of.

So look for me on the media.
I'm planning to touch souls.
My voice can help those like me,
And full some painful life holes.

What do you think?

Fighting a Losing Battle

My newest poem inspired by a frustrating ER visit:

Lying in a hospital bed
Crying from the sorrow
Wishing for answers
Praying for a better tomorrow

The doctor and the nurse take turns
Telling me to breathe in and out
There's no way I could relax
When I don't know what my body is about

I get the blood taken, the pee in a cup
Start the IV, tell my sobby tale,
See no empathy, hear no help
Just empty words that feel like fail

"There's no more we can do for you," he says
The same words I've heard in the past
My spirits drown, my heart is on fire,
And I just want to leave fast.

If no one can help me, what can I do?
Do I keep searching or give in?
How can I fight a losing battle
And how to win?

For now I just keep living
Finding happiness where I can
Keep all my loved ones near
And keep living according to plan.